Strength

Anyone ever feel like they are stretching themselves too thin trying to balance the 372 different aspects of life? This girl right here has. As I started working more, or shall we say “adulting”, I struggled to find that sweet spot of finding time for myself and everything else. There was a point where I didn’t have any “me time” whatsoever. I didn’t think I needed it. I quickly learned that working 40+ hours per week and commuting 2 hours a day, I needed it. I felt like I was just doing the bare minimum to get me to tomorrow. I had no depth to me. I wasn’t giving myself time to figure out who I was as a young woman, trying to make something of herself in this terrifying world. Essentially, what I had to do was find a way to clear my mind and make me stronger so that I can find balance for this privileged life God has given me. What better way to do that than going to the gym? *criestoherself*

Now, I’m not foreign to the idea of working out. I played field hockey growing up, went to the gym regularly in college and continued going when I moved back home. I also wasn’t foreign to the struggle of weight loss. Throughout my life I struggled with my weight and have fluctuated within the same twenty pounds. My main goal when I lost weight was for me to look good in order to feel good. So, it really should be no surprise to me as to why I never could keep it off. This was another way of me not reaching my goal of getting stronger. I had to fix me on the inside first before I could “look good” on the outside. Looking back at it now, I think that was me trying to keep my “security blanket”.  I didn’t have the confidence in myself to believe that I deserved a better and healthier life, so I never pushed it too far. Just enough to feel good and comfortable.

After a few years of my draining routine of going to work, hitting the gym maybe twice a week, and going out on the weekends, I knew I had to try harder. A friend of mine had joined our local CKO Kickboxing gym and she was begging me to join, but I never felt confident enough to take that leap and say yes. That voice inside my head came back again saying “stay inside your comfort zone Rania and work harder. You’ll be fine” and unfortunately, I listened to it.  Eventually, after a few more friends started joining CKO, I finally said yes and let me tell you…GREATEST DECISION OF MY LIFE.

I knew going into this that it was going to be hard…really hard, but I also knew it was going to get me physically healthier and stronger. What I wasn’t expecting was the mental strength I was beginning to gain from it. For so long, I had instilled in my mind that I would feel mentally strong when I lost ‘X’ amount of weight. It was a shock to me to learn that my mental state improved when I was NOT at my goal weight. Huh, what a concept Rania? After six months of my new workout regime, I slowly started noticing how different I was feeling. I felt stronger. I felt happier. But more importantly…I felt proud. Here I was working a full time job, working out with my friends and putting effort into myself. Balance?! Is that you creeping in?? Meal prepping became a thing {shout out to my mother for letting me take over and occasionally destroy her kitchen}, I had a little pep in my step and most importantly I became more self aware. I was aware of what I was eating. How I was dealing with hard situations in my life and aware of how I was treating myself. I finally began to find my strength and hot damn did that feel good! I still have a long way to go BUT to be able to find my strength to let it guide me to create a better life for myself was the first step that I needed to take. That was my me-time I was missing.

 

One thing I’ve learned through this process is that finding balance will forever be a struggle. We are human and we are not perfect. There are times when we are going to get it right and other times we are going to get it really wrong, but that is O-KAY. We live and we learn, but most importantly we remember to give ourselves that time to get better and forgive ourselves. The amount of pressure I put on myself isn’t fair to me and I’m learning to let that go. I’m excited to see what more my fitness journey will bring me!

Earlier this week I heard a quote that struck up the inspiration for this post:

“Make yourself a priority. Fill yourself up so that you can give more to others” -Oprah Winfrey.

 

P.S.

I am going to start a ‘Sip of the Week’ column where I will highlight something that has stuck out for me each week. It could be anything from make-up, food, clothes or a killer quote! This week my Sip is:

 

Tarte Gifted Amazonian Clay Smart Mascara

 

I’ve had a hard time finding the right mascara for my lashes. I don’t have the longest lashes and I really don’t feel comfortable with the idea of getting false lashes every month. A few weeks ago I saw a blogger post about this specific product and I decided to give it a try. I’m so happy I did! This gives me the length and fullness I want in my lashes. I totally suggest dropping everything you are doing and run to Sephora immediately to get this. It’s that serious. I promise.

 

I hope everyone has a great rest of the week!  

 

xxRania