How many times have you asked yourself, what am I doing with my life? What is my purpose? Hell, what am I even good at?! Going through every single day just to get to 5 PM or living every week just to get to Friday year after year…it gets mentally and physically exhausting. That is where I am at right now in my life, questioning everything and on the brink of a total freak out session like some pre-teen coming of age movie…except I’m 27. A good friend once told me that age is only relevant if you make it; that you are naturally and spiritually on your own time frame. Ever since shifting my thinking to that, the freak-out seshes really have simmered down.
Before I go on any further let’s get acquainted. My name is Rania! I’m 27, living in Northern New Jersey with my beautiful family. My friends are my lifeline and taking “laughing candid” photos areee kinda my thing. I have been working as a manager at a medical billing company for the past 5 ½ years. As I wrote that sentence down, a flashback came to me of my college days. Days of balancing getting through papers, being active in my sorority and student government. I remember stopping in the midst of all that madness and thinking, “Why can’t I just leave school and get a 9-5 and just live life” lol. Be careful what you wish for! That is exactly what happened to me, but not exactly the way I imagined. I guess when they say ‘the energy you put out in this universe is what you manifest’ is true. Now, how I got to my desk job is a story for a different day. Right now I want to talk about taking a leap of faith…
The first few years of my “9-5”, were great. I loved having a routine. I loved learning something new all the time and I loved my new work family. ‘Loved’ is the key word here. Fast forward to the last couple of years…let’s say they have been quite the struggle for me. I found myself second guessing my every move and wondering have the past 3 years been a huge mistake? One thing to know about me, I don’t deal with my feelings very well. I throw things under the rug and if I’m dealing with a big ole existential crisis I far too quickly say, “Stfu Rania, you are fine, don’t worry about it and it will go away” I never allowed {and at times still don’t allow} myself to deal with all that fear and anxiety and by doing so, it has kept me with that disgusting feeling of being stuck in my life. HOW THE HELL CAN A SINGLE 27 YEAR OLD WHO LIVES WITH HER PARENTS FREE OF RENT FEEL STUCK?–{sorry for shouting} I’ll tell you how, it is because I have manifested this negative way of thinking that this is all that it was going to be in my life and I just lied down and accepted that. Eff that. I refuse to allow myself to think like this any longer. Don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful for every opportunity that has been given to me, but I know there is more out there for me to discover!
Originally, I was inspired when I started following a few lifestyle bloggers, and after a few months of totally fan-girling over their pages and life, I realized that this just may be the thing for me. Naturally, my negative side popped up and was like “Do you really think anyone wants to hear about your life?” but for the first time in a long time, I silenced that negative thought. I want to be able to connect to people and find common interests and struggles. My life motto is balance. I try to always have a ‘half n half’ mentality. For instance, I am an Arab-American born and raised in a beautiful, rural town in New Jersey. I’ve been able to keep and teach others of my culture while embracing my all American country girl side! My happiness stems from connecting with people and being part of a community. I want this blog to be a representation of myself. I hope to share with you the everyday workings of my life; from the food I eat, the clothes I wear to what sets my heart on fire.
I’m nervous as hell, but I’m more excited to see where this next chapter in my life takes me. This is my journey in trusting God, trusting myself, and taking a leap of faith.