Hey there everyone! Happy Friday!! I feel like this week was so long, which is weird considering it was only four days! Anyways, I hope everyone had a great week and are looking forward to the weekend!
This week was a big one for me. I finally signed up for online classes to finish my bachelors degree! I can’t believe I even just typed that sentence out. I am beyond excited to finish this chapter of my life. Now to better understand exactly why I am so excited I’m going to share a little story. I graduated from high school in 2009 and spent the summer buying items for my dorm room, talking to my new roomie and saying my goodbyes to my childhood friends just like everyone else in my small town. Summer flew by and before I knew it I was standing in the middle of Wagner College admiring the beautiful, castle like building that was the heart of the campus. I was so nervous I forgot how to make small talk. Which if you know me, that is NOT normal. I eventually got over my nerves and started making friends and finding my new life on campus. The next two and half years were a fantastic blur. I joined a sorority, Alpha Sigma Alpha {love my sisters!}, became a Junior Senator for the Student Government Association and I helped create the Muslim Student Association which I was Vice President of. I was studying International Affairs. I remember struggling through a couple of classes, but I buckled down and studied my ass off to boost my grade. It worked {phew!}. Fast forward to the end of my first semester of Junior year. I had just became president of ASA, my studies were on point, I was networking like crazy and on top of it all, I was happy. I was so happy because I was so proud of myself for all that I was accomplishing. I was making my parents proud and making something of myself.
Then life threw a curveball at me because, ya know, why not? I was home for winter break. I was working a shift at my part time job at a local grocery store and during my break I decided to check my school email. First thing I read was, “Your classes have been dropped” What?! Dropped?? What do you mean dropped?? When my shift ended my mom picked me up and right away I brought it up to her and she broke the bad news to me. She told me that unfortunately due to financial difficulties I will no longer be able to attend Wagner. {I’ll spare you all the boring details on that, point is, I was no longer able to attend school} My heart shattered into a million pieces. Not only for myself, but for my mother as well. I knew how hard it was for her to deliver such news to me.
I had to leave everything I worked so hard for. Telling all my friends and accepting that this was my reality was a really hard process for me. I even felt guilty for feeling this upset at one point. There are people suffering far more than me so where did I have the right to be upset? Well, I have the right because these are my feelings and my cards that God has dealt to me. So I had to find my way through it no matter how much I judged myself for it. Up until recently, I never really felt that happiness I had right before I left Wagner. That was about 6 years ago.
When I left Wagner I threw myself into work. I stayed at my part time job for about a year before I found my full time career I am in now. I knew I had to save money to try and finish my degree, but I started getting really comfortable with my new normal. My thought process was, “If I have a job I’m good at and that I’m growing in, why do I need to finish school?” Whenever I would play with the idea of going back to school I would get scared at just the thought of it. Can I handle the workload? Am I motivated enough? Smart enough? It all sounded too much for me, so I continued my daily routine at my 9 to 5.
I finally realized that I was trying to convince myself that not going back to school was what I really wanted, just because I was scared. I kept myself in my comfort zone where nothing more can disappoint me. Funny thought process huh? Here I was “protecting” myself when all I was really doing was harming my potential happiness. I felt so unaccomplished all the time. Was that really better than just trying harder and taking risks to get a better life?
At the beginning of 2018 I was SO SICK of feeling this way. I promised myself I would take some sort of step towards my degree. I applied to a few online programs but never pulled the trigger to actually start attending. Until about 4 weeks ago that is. I had an inspiring conversation with my mom about the goals I had set for myself. She simply reminded me to never ever give up on them and that I had all the capabilities to achieve them. The second she left my bedroom I swear to you something inside me clicked. I have never had a feeling like this. When people talk about their “moment” I always just wondered if they were talking out of their asses. lol. NOPE. Turns out it’s a real thing and man am I grateful for that. I finally told myself you’re doing this.
Southern New Hampshire University was one of the online programs I had applied to earlier in the year. I called them up that day and they still had my application on file so in just a few clicks and a *virtual* swipe of my card…boom. I was in college again. THAT WAS EASY RANIA.
I knew going to school, working full time and having my blog was going to require a lot of balance, but I no longer wanted to make excuses for myself. Yes, it’s going to be a lot but I know I am able to handle it. Not only handle it but actually enjoy it. I’m slowly getting that old feeling back that I had at Wagner. I’m feeling proud of myself and I’m feeling happy. I’m ready to balance and schedule every part of my life out. I am so grateful every day to be stressed. Crazy right?! It’s just because I know I am working towards something great. So bring it on. Maybe that’s just my way of being ready to take back my life and create my happiness again. Whatever it is, it’s working for me.
Thanks for listening guys. If any of y’all have ever experienced a struggle like this I hope it shows you that you can be happy again and you can achieve your goals. Whether it takes you 6 years or 6 minutes to come to that realization. It doesn’t matter. Your time will come as long as you fight and never give up. This is my first step and I’m excited to see where it will take me. Have a beautiful weekend!
Sip of the Week
My Sip this week is a Motivational Speech Compilation YouTube video. My precious Aunt sent this to me and it is almost scary how perfectly timed it was to my life. No such thing as coincidences. (I see you God, I see you) I cried at my office desk listening to it because it resonated with me that much and I hope it does the same for you. It’s a little aggressive at first, but I promise you, KEEP. LISTENING. You will not regret it!
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